Martial Prowess
- Gordon Ramsay: In his original post, Newbie makes some outlandish claims about Gordon Ramsay being some sort of ass kicking Samurai (he's a Samurai because saying that a Ninja could kick ass is an oxymoron while a Samurai's job description only lists two objectives: ass kicking and hot girl fucking). He details the exploits of the destruction of a Ninja soccer league (this part actually makes sense since it is a Ninja's prime directive to run around like a freshly decapitated chicken until it is dispatched by a Samurai, falling rocks, or a Samurai riding falling rocks), rival chefs, and despotic Republican TV network owners. Well, if we are to believe Newbie and Ramsay is indeed a Samurai, falling rock, or both then Super Nanny will have a hard time indeed.
- Super Nanny: While Gordon Ramsay could have quite possibly had extensive Samurai training, Super Nanny has spent her time with a much more formidable adversary...children! Common knowledge shows that it takes at least a half dozen Samurai to fell even the weakest of children. Their powers are nearly absolute. They have 29 hit di, roll d-20 for damage with 5 attacks per round, have AC -4, cast spells as a level 15 magic user, and can turn water to rum (a ninja's greatest weakness).
Sexiness
- Gordon Ramsay: It is common knowledge that Samurai are beautiful by nature, Gordon Ramsay is obviously not. Using logic then we must determine that he definately is a falling rock. And as we all know, falling rocks are anything but beautiful. In fact, Ramsay has a face that only a cock-fag could love.
- Super Nanny: One may look at Super Nanny and say "Hey, that sure is a Super Nanny!" or "Hey, she sure is fat!" But while I admit she has a little extra baggage I see something that many other people might not...potential! You see, when I gaze upon her I don't see a fat woman, I see a possible anorexic/bulimic hot babe! From years of experience I can tell you that you need only push the right buttons to turn an overweight land-whale of a woman into the Mary-Kate Olsen of your dreams! Saying things like "If you really loved me, you'd throw up that gyro." and "If you don't lose some fucking weight I'm going to dump your ass for your Mom." are great ways to encourage that special someone.
Flamability...ness
- Gordon Ramsay: Falling rocks do not burn. Now if he were a rock of the NORMAL variety this would be an entirely different story. Mainly in that I'd have to delete the word "falling" a whole bunch.
- Super Nanny: Scientists have determined through a series of exhausting trial and error experiments that Super Nanny has a flamability greater than Whale Blubber but less than an AD&D Monstrous ManualTM.
Well, there you have it folks. Super Nanny is the 2005 winner of the best American Reality show starring British people on all fronts. Oh and Newbie is definately a Cock-Fag. The evidence is overwhelming.
