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Throwing is the new rolling

One of the greatest sites ever to be seen by mere mortals. Prepare yourselves...for awesomeness. 

Thursday, June 30, 2005

11:30 AM - America's Clap Problem (Not Chlamydia).

I really hate clapping. It's not really the act of clapping that gets to me though. It's more of the mindset that accompanies the somatic gesture. I'll never understand how some people can become so filled with excitement that their arms suddenly begin convulsing in the horizontal plane of motion. Digressing, perhaps the most popular forum for clapping is the medium known as the "Talk Show". Talk Shows could quite possibly be the most annoying entity to ever manifest itself in my life, beaten only by an intoxicated HK_Newbie in his tighty whities. And while I do love Maury Povich and his hilarious "Paternity Tests Revealed!" formats (That kid ain't mine yo! He looks nothing like me yo! Yoooooooooo!!!) there are two shows that really get my blood boiling with their copious amount of inane clapping: "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and "Real Time With Bill Maher".

Oprah Winfrey is a cunt. I hate her show and everything associated with it. Her show is just a long circle jerk for women interspersed with commercials about feminine odor and stickiness ::shudders::. I mean, not that I watch this crap. I've just happened to catch clips of the show here and there in between flipping through the channels in search of pre-rap-co-star-era Steven Seagal movies while receiving blowjobs from my harem of beautiful supermodels and taking bites of Boca Burgers...and killing ninjas with my other free hand. Anyways, Oprah is a BIG cunt. Remember that time when she gave away all those free cars to those working class folks who couldn't afford them and acted like she was fucking Mother Teresa? Well, recently I heard she threw some fit when she wasn't let into a store after they were already closed. Hey Oprah maybe these working class folk don't live to serve you! Maybe they have lives and families that they have to return to at a normal hour and work a hell of a lot harder than you for a microfraction of the pay that you earn. What a fucking hypocrite. And you know what else??? This was pointed out publicly by Jessica Alba. Man, you gotta be really dumb when Jessica Alba makes you look stupid. But I'm getting carried away here...the subject was uhhh...clapping that's right! Oprah has the worst fans in the world. All Oprah has to do is breathe in the general direction of one of her audience members to set off a chain reaction of clapping and cheering. What's worse is that they cut to the audience quite often on the show and they always have this stupid look like a supernova just went off in front of their faces. I hate them all. And I'm not even going to get into when Tom Cruise was on the show or the mere idea of Dr. Phil even existing. Shame on you Universe!

Almost as bad in the clapping area is the Bill Maher Show. While I do enjoy his show greatly for its mostly intelligent political banter, I can't stand the audience. The funny thing is, Bill Maher can't stand them either. Whenever I catch the show you can rest assured that he will tell the audience to shut up at least five times. The reason for this is that Bill, like myself, is sick of hearing the same arguments spouted over and over again. This is especially true for the moronic celebrity guests that are occasionally on the show. While not all of the celebrities featured are completely retarded, some of them truly have no business being on a political talk show. For instance, once the actor/comedian/reallynotfuckingfunny Steve Harvey was on and his lacking knowledge of current events was mindnumbing. The only thing he could do the whole time was make snide comments about Bush, Iraq, National Security, and other areas that have been beaten to death, with this stupid, slow, punch me in the face tone of voice. And while I am totally in agreement with the sentiments on the issues, I am completely sick and tired of hearing the same arguments displayed in this manner. The audience, on the other hand, loves this! This is most probably due to the overarching fem/dyke attitude ever present among them. They are political equivalents of Tool and The Mars Volta fanboys. Believing that there is no world outside of their own near fanatical pleasures they act like they're part of a secret club that only they have the superior qualities needed to be admitted to. In actuality they just endlessly auto-fellate their own massive egos.

Well, I think that's enough for now. I believe my point has been fully argued: HK_Newbie is a fag.


Blogger hk_newbie said...

By "Fag" do you mean the german armoured vehicle made between 1962 and 1966? If you'd like to learn more about the Feldarbeitsgerät armoured vehicle (primary used for moving rubble or lifting goods using the cultivated shovel or fork attachment)go to: http://www.panzerbaer.de/helper/bw_pimasch_fag_02-5t-a.htm


Thank you for increasing our knowledge of vehicle history through your inept insults, rainny!  


Blogger RaiNny said...

Yes, actually. I meant it in a metaphoric way...you see uh...well you see you're like a Feldar...tank because you lift rubble (my shit) and put it into more convienient places (your mouth).  


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