I HATE NEW JERSEY(so does everyone else I know)
Okay, Sniper and I went to 6 flags a few weeks ago to complete his life-long dream of going to 6 flags and going on more than 6 rides. My first thought upon entering the park was, "man, this is incrediably stupid." New Jersey is possibly the worst place on earth to spend one's free time, and the second worst place to build a theme park (the first being in the active crater of the Stromboli island volcano in the Aeolian Islands of Italy).
"Garden State" my ass! The entire state consists of nothing but chemical plants and strange-smelling people who can't drive to save their lives. Trust me, I work there; I know firsthand the evils of New Jersey.
But back to the particular evils of 6 flags.
1. It's in New Jersey, so all the weirdness of the state converges upon this exact point, resulting in a bunch of fucking idiots wearing homemade costumes and dancing throughout the thoroughfare. It's annoying. It's stupid. Stop it.
2. The rides are no longer fun. In fact, I don't know what made them fun in the first place. "The Great American Scream Machine," for example, succeded in bruising me in my armpit and breaking my jaw in several places. So if getting your ass kicked sounds like a fun time to you, COME ON DOWN TO DOC'S CRAZY HOUSE OF RIGHTEOUSLY INSANE FUN and get your ass kicked for only a fraction of the rip off price of 6 flags. I'll even throw in a t-shirt.
3. IT WAS REALLY FUCKING HOT.
4. IT WAS REALLY FUCKING HOT.'
5. The lines for each ride lasted no less than 3 hours, couple that with reason number 3 and 4, and Sniper's inexplicable desire to go on the same ride multiple times, no matter how outrageously long the line was, and you might get a glimpse of my experience of 6 flags.
6. IT WAS REALLY FUCKING HOT.
Together we expressed our discontent with the 6 flags business methodology (i.e. kick your guests' collective asses, but do it with cheesy rock music playing in the background) and we found a common ground upon which to build a boycott of all theme parks. As we shook hands and parted ways, a huge thunderhead suddenly appeared out of the heavens and drenched the park in rain and electrical death, thankfully cutting Sniper's and my time there short. I didn't even mind getting wet, so long as I was leaving.
The next morning, Sniper somehow convinced me (using his jedi mind tricks) that we should go back and get our money's worth somehow. God help me, I fell for it and we went again.
said...
YES!!!! It was awesome. You will now buy me a Glock 19 for my birthday!
said...
oh and btw, why don't you fix the time zone in which you are posting your trivial rants in. you posted this at 5:36AM? I don't think so. That is unless you were under the influence of the Irish curse again.
hk_newbie said...
It was at 5:36. I always do my best thinking before 6am.
RaiNny said...
god, i really hate that stupid dancing old man's face. something about people dressed in prosthetics attempting to look old while acting young and inducing (failing) hilarity really gets to me. a long time ago when those commercials first started appearing i was going to write an entry about how annoying it was but i decided to brush my teeth and then drink gatorade instead.
hk_newbie said...
Always a good combination, rainny. Always. Did you notice how it said "ass special" on the sign? Maybe i should have pointed that out.