On almost every instance, the person in question has not just been wrong, they have been so very, painfully wrong, that their assumptive wrongness has actually created new, tangible problems in whatever system they felt the need to comment upon. Also, they seem to enjoy CC'ing their pronouncements to random people in the global corporate address book. This makes my inevitable replies that much more enjoyable.
Here's the email the moron in question sent to one of my co-workers responsible for maintaining a calendar I created in the public folders on MS exchange:
"(Poor lady who has to deal with me),
This folder is misplaced. All Public Folders is set up to contain only mail and post items, not calendars. Thus, I cannot open this calendar alongside my other calendars. And, after clicking on the link you provided, there is no way to add the Outlook calendar to Internet Explorer's favorites. The obvious solution is to get with whoever administers the public folders and arrange to publish calendar items as well as mail and post items in All Public Folders (and all of the other folders to which the Hanford Schedule Calendar is subordinate). If this can be done, we would all be able to view and event print this calendar.
Regards,
(Asshole who doesn't know what he's talking about)
+1 (703) 000-0000"
Interesting side-note; this douchebag feels the need to insert a +1 in front of every phone number in every scenario (when referencing them in proposals, or technical manuals, or websites). I posited that people other than himself may indeed be used to the Ma Bell style of making fucking phone calls, and are perfectly capable of dialing a "1" if the number isn't in their fucking area. It's not exactly a new concept, is it? But I digress...
Being the bright fellow that I am, I immediately realized that this was a personal attack against my own l337 admining skillz. Since he felt the need to CC about a dozen other people besides the poor lady who was the original recipient, I decided to take my time and pen the perfect reply. Before sending it, though, I sent this email to my cadre of fellow nerds to garner some editing assistance.
"I’m gonna assume Mr. Asshole's comments are directed toward me in an antagonistic manner. Here is the response I’m considering sending:
“Asshole,
Nice try, but no.
Your copious knowledge of Exchange and the nuances of the mystical realm of public folders is truly astonishing. I am humbled by your sage yet stern advice. Would that they made any sort of sense beyond the knee-jerk reaction of a person used to spitting out words that, on first glance appear to make a certain sort of sense, but on closer inspection are realized to be utter dross, how useful they could have been!
Here’s the real problem, as opposed to the imaginary, non-existent problem: You didn’t have permission to view the calendar.
Here’s the real solution, as opposed to the unhelpful and authoritarian-sounding solution: I added you.
Huzzah and other such niceties!
Cheers,
--HK_Newbie”
Needless to say, it was widely regarded as genius and approved to be sent right away. I copied, I pasted, I CC'd the same people that the knowledge-less asshole did in his email, and stuck his name in the "To:" field. Then I hit send.
This was about 4 days ago, and I haven't heard back from either him or the others I copied. All-in-All, I'd say it was a successful and entirely professional response.
--HK_Newbie
