1. Deleting items from your "My Documents" folder will not make your computer run faster. Nor will deleting items from your desktop. Nor in the root of your fucking filesystem (that, in fact, has a tendency to make your computer not work at all). Stop doing it. I don't know who began this myth, but I know who perpetuates it, and I hate them.
2. My name is not Brian. I don't know where you got that idea, but please, look at my badge hanging around my chest. In big black friendly letters you will see the proper noun "RYAN". I'll give you a few guesses as to whose name that is.
3. The majority of my day will be spent doing important things; like looking at digg or fark or listening to music or reading papers which will increase my knowledge of things that interest me. Coincidentally, the things that interest me will usually result in Good Things Happening To You (like me building a clean room next to the server room for Hard Disk recovery or learning De Bruijin sequences to brute force the combination lock of your car when you forget your keys). Do yourself a favor and stop asking me to move tables or lift heavy boxes when it looks like "All i'm doing is reading a website and taking notes in my big black book" (direct quote).
4. If we're at a bar, and you start making out with me, expect me to kiss back. If you then decide you're done, please politely pull back and indicate as such; Do not just punch me in the chest and tell me to "get the fuck off". Because I will get off, and go far away (i.e. the next bar). When you find me 10 minutes later and repeat the same kiss/flip out scenario, I will determine that my St. Patty's Day is officially over and ride the metro home.
*The assholes in question include, but are not limited to, cow-orkers, chicks-in-bars, and random executive-type people on the street.
--HK_Newbie
(BTW, I'm digging quite a few bands now: "Explosions in the Sky", "And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead", "The Notwist", and "Ms. Jones Soda". Go forth and download.)
