Ok, so I sort of forgot about those little parts in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!" where Rick Moranis' character blows up his test subjects several times before he stumbles upon the proper modifications to make the shrinking ray function correctly. As a result, the organs of the original crew are now serving as feed for my endangered condor collection. So it seems the first attempt was met with mixed results. On one hand, I obliterated perhaps the finest specimens of Klingon, Ching-Chongese, and United Arab Emirates...ese...ian...ish.........Dutch civilization! On the other hand, three of the most annoying entities in the universe met a most gruesome demise so it was not a complete loss. Despite this minor setback we must continue forth with the mission. "What about the crew?" you might say. To this I respond with the following.
My dog in a gangsta hat! Awwww, isn't he just the cutest little Shmoopy McShmooperson??? Yes you are my Shmoopy!!! Give Daddy a kiss!
This time I was sure that the shrinking ray was functioning properly and the mission was a shining success smattered with only a meager amount of dog poop. The feces were not particularly stinky either. Here's what the canine conducted excavation of the insurmountable black hole that is my tummy reported.
Whoopi Goldberg's Career: Zing!!!
A Signed Rob Dibble Baseball Card: According to Baseball-Reference.com the former Cincinnati Reds All-Star hurler is "World Champion of the World" and "is now the world's best sports talk radio personality. Rex/Ron/Rob has the 7th and 9th best single season K per 9 inn. ratios ever. Light up a "heater" and toss back a Heineken to a real character." Whatever that means...probably means he's gay...or a communist...or a combination of the two.
Newbie's Latent Homosexuality (Your Standard Newbie is Gay Because He's Gay Internet Joke): Newbie is gay and possibly a little Jewish.
7 Unopened Cases of "Battleship Solitaire": Damn it!...I mean, Yes! I sunk my Battleship...errr wait...
My Ace of Base CD: I was really excited to have found this. Unfortunately when I opened it I was astonished to find, instead of my favorite Gay-Club anthem quartet, a copy of Spin Doctors' debut album "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" with a note attached to it reading "Haha penis-mouth. Pwned!!! -Love, RaiNny (that's you noob, LOL)"Pretty neat huh? No? Yeah, I guess you're right.
-RaiNny
calamityJANE said...
dude. kosta's going to be very pissed off when he finds out you blew up worf.
The Salvage Bar said...
When I went to Albany the Spin Doctors cancelled an appearance because of lack of interest. They had only sold 65 tickets to a venue that held 3000.
PWNED!