Just why is there so much lint in my bellybutton? This has long been a topic of much inquiry for me (and the rest of mankind as well). I've attempted several times at scientifically deducing the reason for such a phenomenon. After observing the rate and frequency of the production of the abdominal crop I determined that its blossoming is independent of the following factors: light intensity or wavelength, average kinetic energy (temperature), radiation bombardment, dragons, and magnetic field. It should be noted that the manifestation of the substance is also unaffected by the presence of a shirt (tee or other varieties). The final step in basic science is molecular architecture. Utilizing the power of an Electron Thermal Micrograph (ETM) my research team was able to deduce the exact composition of the entity.
It was that 7 dollars I had lost when I was 9 years old, shrunk to mere fractions of its former monetary glory!!! Amazed at what I had found, I quickly began contemplating all the treasures that could be contained within my gastric nexus. Everything that I had once believed lost to me or even all of humanity could be deep within the recesses of my tummy! And so, for mankind's sake, I know it is my duty find out!
I have assembled the finest exploration crew the universe has or ever will see.
Security: Lt. Worf of the Starship EnterpriseLt. Worf cut his teeth as chief security officer of the StarFleet's flagship: The U.S.S. Enterprise. Despite being often chastised by his Klingon brethren for his allegiance to the physically inferior Humans, Worf has proven himself worthy time and again of both his position as an officer and the trials and tribulations associated with Klingon weaning.
The Arts: Andrew W.K.When travelling to a foreign culture, one must be sure that you can appreciate artistic expression just as alien as the new landscape. And who better to advise you on all things artistically existential than the entity known as Andrew W.K. His work ranges all the way from the super-retarded to the super-retarded-but-in-a-completely-different-way and is presented in such an unidentifiable manner that the great philosopher and linguist Noam Chomsky of M.I.T. had this to say, "He's absolutely retarded. I couldn't imagine a more incomprehensible sound to be emitted from a human being...this is even more dumb than that "Blue" song by that awful Eiffel 65 group...fucking fag."
Foreign Relations: United Arab Emirates Ambassador to Canada Hassan Mohammed Obaid Al-SuwaidiI believe this man needs no introduction as we are all obviously familiar with his exploits. Therefore, I will not give one.
Scientific Exploration: Chinese Girl With Glasses OnI met Chinese Girl With Glasses On in my Advanced Particle Physics course. She had already taken the class as a younger Chinese Girl With Glasses on back in her home town of Ching-Chong-Tofu when she was in but the 4th grade, and was enrolled in the class again for "zha eaji "A" ching-chong" (for those who don't speak Ching-Chongese this means "for the easy "A" and to ruin the curve for the entire class, rice, ninja, kungfu"). Her Intelligence Quotient is the only one I'm aware of that rivals my own and since I am obviously not able to attend the excursion she is the most suitable to take my place.
Religious Advisement: Pat RobertsonPat Robertson has expressed his unmatched piety to the one and true God countless times. He has been rewarded fully for such devotion in turn. And I cannot think of a man more objective and understanding of those with different values than God himself. I mean this guy makes Jesus Christ look like Hitler having ass-sex with Saddam Hussein under the pornographic film production of the Khmer Rouge. Moveover J.C., there's a new savior in town and his name is Pat Robertson.
Crew Captain: Tucker CarlsonTo be the Captain of a ship there's only one thing you need...a behemoth set of nuts! If there's one guy who's got a huge sack of balls, it's me. But if there's two guys out there with two separate bags of gigantic nads, it's me and Tucker Carlson. Seriously, what kind of grown man wears a bowtie? Someone who doesn't give a shit about what you say and is probably a complete douche-bag, that's who! All doucheing aside, I'm really just hoping that something terrible happens on the expedition and Tucker Carlson dies in a most painful and slow way.
Ok gentlemen, your mission is to observe and explore everything you can and report back here with all findings. I don't want to see any hero stuff out there unless it's you Worf, because that would be totally badass! Anyways, we spent all of our grant money buying a replica of the shrinking machine from the feature film "Honey, I shrunk the kids!" so we're just going to use this old toy ship from the SeaQuest TV show. Don't mind the bloodstains on it, we just got it from the Jonathon Brandis estate auction so they're probably just from his suicide or horrible cocaine addiction or something.
Oh and here's the map.
Good Luck!
-RaiNny
hk_newbie said...
that last picture disgusts me.
RaiNny said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
RaiNny said...
gking4ever said...
Wow! you had 7 bucks when you were 9 yrs old? That's like the all time high for you in terms of the amount of funds. Don't you just miss those days?
10:44 PM
Yes, it was before I had attended the Eric Cho University for Economics. Classes include: "How to waste all your money buying, selling at a lower price, and rebuying for a deficit, your cherished video game products" and "Denny's...again!"
hk_newbie said...
that last picture disgusts me.
1:24 PM
You and me both.
said...