Anyhow, these cute mexicana chicks and their family started to climb in the jacuzzi with me, and one looked right at me and said "Estas fria". Almost automatically, my mind splurted out "estoy muy caliente" (i may as well have added a mamacita to the end of that, because it came out totally wrong). She processed this for a moment, then burst out laughing and almost drowning in the 5 feet of fecal corrupted broiling water. The group took a liking to me and we started conversing--mostly in english. Another 30-something lady asked me "habla espanol" and I replied (once again, moronically without thinking) "un petit" which I followed with "oh fuck, that's french". The group looked at eachother, to ensure they all heard the same stupid thing, and promptly died on the spot (I presume from oxygen deprivation from excessive laughter), leaving their floating corpses to bob around at odd intervals in the spa.
Another case occured during my drive to the impossibly AWESOME New Mexico state fair (which, by the way, had a thousand pound PIG! That was without a doubt the most impressive thing I have ever seen in my life and I shall never forget that dear obese pig for as long as I shall live (until I'm 26)). I was waiting at a stop light and an Indian (not "pistachio and monkey brains". Native Americans) family in the car next to me asked me "which way to the fair" in perfect English (hell, the dude even had an Oxfordian accent to his speech and was reading an MLA handbook). I told them which way to go, more or less, and when he asked for clarification ("could you please elucidate that for me, my good sir" is what he precisely said) I just blurted out "Derecha". My companions in the car, like the people in the jacuzzi, looked at each other for a moment to agree that I did indeed tell them to turn THE WRONG FUCKING DIRECTION, IN SPANISH, but they decided not to snap their own necks in protest to the palpable stupidity emanating from my mouth, and the indian family just looked bemused. But perhaps they too decided that I was mentally deficient in some way (which I'm begining to think has some validity).
One of these days, I'm just gonna cut my tongue out; that way I won't inadvertantly destroy a number of lives just through bon mots of fatal stupidity. --HK_Newbie
hk_newbie said...
If you hadn't noticed, my linguistic ability actually SUCKS. so it's not suprising that i said the word in french incorrectly.