--Hello again, fellow losers and welcome to our second issue of the "Loser Newsletter". Before we get started with the supplying of essential loser-related info, I'd like to relate a story of my own experiences in the realm of loserdom.
As I was told by a wise individual, I seem to have the enviable personality trait known among certain circles as "Flypaper for Freaks". Case in point: on the bus today a chick sat next to me. Not an uncommon occurence, given my undeniable sex appeal, but today it seemed that this particular chick was more interested in my freak appeal. Goddamn my freak appeal. Damn it to hell.
"YesssssssS" she made me aware of when she sat practically on top of me, "i didn't think i'd get a seat, but i got a seat, i hate itwhenidon'tgetaseat. Don'tyouhatehowpackedthesebussesgetbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (her words started to run together into an uncomprehensible buzzing noise to which I could only nod sagely in response).
The crazy chick proceeded to tell me all about her life in Albuquerque, her family, her home address, major, job, and basically everything else a potential stalker would need to know to make her life completely miserable. We then discussed the virtues of "Napoleon Dynamite", Aerospace corporations, and making money. I then told her i was from Russia and that I believed in the communist ideal. She gave me a weird look, then something lit up in her eyes, and she said "me too!"
Sometimes being a freak is fun! --Ed.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Our loser of the week this week is none other than the greatest wizard of all the losers, Blackwolf. Personally, he is my hero. Yes, that's right! My fucking hero. He lives completely and totally disconnected from the sad world of reality, while still managing to somehow eke out an existance. That, my brothers and sisters, takes a rare mixture of luck and skill (not to mention incredible powers of denial). His website is an unadulterated look at his happily diseased interior existence. Garish colors, archaic language, and a slightly disturbing penchant for entertaining children are the primary topics of interest for Blackwolf. But let me make sure that I get one point across: This man is not THAT bad. In fact, he's admirable. Without people like Blackwolf, this place would be a hell of a lot less entertaining. Besides, have you ever seen a guy in a fake beard speaking a bastardized middle english while eating a whopper? If not, then you have not yet begun to live!WAYS TO DEAL (with body snatching aliens)
This may seem like a bit of a digression, but I've been watching John Carpenter's "The Thing" again and again and again over the past couple of weeks (I watched it for the first time when I was 10 years old, and it profoundly affected me, and my ability to sleep through the night, for years to come). I've come to the conclusion that the group of men trapped in that Antartic research center-- while each person possessed an undeniable aura of coolness, or bad-assness, or psycho-i'll-fuck-you-up-with-my-knife-don't-you-know-i'm-loco-ness-- they were all LOSERS of the highest order. Think about it! They lived essentially isolated lives out in the middle of nowhere by choice, they drank tons of booze, they hated the few people around them, and they
fought a superior parasitic adaptive organism successfully. Only a true group of losers could end up triumphant over a moster with tentacle strangling action. Even if they all did die at the end...
Highly recommended veiwing for everyone (even the normies). And Kurt Russel is a god among losers. I'm gonna invest in an eye-patch and legally change my name to Snake Pliskin.
LOSER QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"There's mice growing out of my carpet"--Your's truly after drinking a little too much Captain's. The mice eventually went away and were replaced with playing cards containing busts of famous dictators.
"Dude! How could you say that?! Everquest is the greatest game EVAR!"--As related to me by a native Albuquerqian, this exchange took place in the middle of a calc. course on the UNM campus. The comment, as expected, was recieved poorly by the rest of the class.
"I dance because it brings joy to people!"--Said by the ecstasy addicted, rave child who carrys a huge mp3 enabled boombox, and plays some of the gayest trace/techno music at annoyingly high decible levels. He then dances. I really shouldn't relate just how bad the dancing is, because one must assume that any sort of dancing, in the middle of a campus where no one else is dancing, must look pretty stupid. At least he has a reason; MDMA does STRANGE things to people.
That's all for now folks, see you next time!
--HK_Newbie
hk_newbie said...
poor poor gking. do you even know where you are anymore?