Ah, beauty and bone-crushing power meshed seamlessly into the human form, thy name is Mary. Or Maria, if you're feeling proper and formal.
Let me tell you about Mary: Mary is a pro-milkshake maker at the local burger joint. I'm not going to name said burger joint, because then everyone will know about it's ecstasy inducing strawberry milkshake and then i'll have no choice but to initiate "operation lottaburger overthrow" and only I will be able to ingest the milkshakes because Maria, her milkshake making equipment, and a large chunk of concrete and land in central Albuquerque will be transported (via tractor beam) to my secret lair miles above the earth in geo-synchronous orbit.
In addition to her prowess with a milkshake machine, she drives a bad-ass, totally pimped out SUV with chrome rims, big freaking tires, bullet-proof windows, and two 30mm machine guns mounted on the front grill.
Her body is built like a battleaxe; sharp, rigid, powerful, and ultimately deadly.
Her face is a unique mixture of the idealized Greco-Roman beauty and a functional, combat-hardened death's head. Kind of like Cindy Crawford with battle paint and full body armor.
One of my companions today mentioned his opinion of Maria's milkshakes, but he made a fatal error. His opinion was NEGATIVE. Unfortunatley for him, Maria lept out of her steel enclosure (breaking the bars first with a well-placed headbut) wrapped one dainty/powerful hand around his neck shouting "My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, motherfucker!" and proceeded to decapitate him using only her hands. It took about a minute of pulling, but finally his poor head audibly popped off. She tossed the head on the roof of the establishment (along with many others) and left the corpse there to drain into the concrete. Someone in the distance was heard to mutter the word "Fatality" in a gravely voice.
Maria Maria Maria, soon we will have the world in our grasp. And all the milkshakes will be MINE. If you don't kill me first.
--HK_Newbie
The_Consultant said...
Judging from that picture, I think I know where the milk comes from for the milk shake.
hk_newbie said...
yes, you are correct consultant. That is a milk dispensing automatic rifle.