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Throwing is the new rolling

One of the greatest sites ever to be seen by mere mortals. Prepare yourselves...for awesomeness. 

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

2:58 PM - Did I mention my life sucks?

Oh joy! I get forced into the most wonderful things. This time it's a all-expenses paid trip to the heart of Monatana, which someone else was supposed to go on, but I get sent instead. Why? Because I am the World's designated bitch.

I intend to do certain things that will ensure no repeated occurences of this sort.

Bears. Montana's fucking full of them. They outnumber the people 5 to 1. I propose to piss off every single bear I can find through a combination of insults and pokes to the eye. If they feel like rumbling, I'll just kick 'em in the balls, and that'll be that. POW!


Moose. There's about as many moose in Montana as there are bear, and my approach for these overgrown deer will be much the same. Instead of poking though, I believe I'll attempt to ride each moose I find. Once again, if they feel like messing with me, they too will feel the full force of my unbridled wrath in the form of a swift kick to the balls (something no creature can withstand).

Mountain men. These are really the only people who live in Montana (which in Iroqouis means "Land of the morbidly obese mountain dwelling white man") and they will be my constant companions for 10 days of hiking, bear poking, moose riding, and moonshine binge drinking. Whoopdeefuckingdoo!

And I don't want to hear any comments from the peanut gallery (I'm looking at you, NMG). This is gonna suck. Big time suck. And there's nothing I can do about it. I refuse to enjoy my forced servitude; but I will, in response, piss off every life-form in Montana and add it to the growing list of states that categorically deny me entry.



---HK_Newbie

Blogger RaiNny said...

Your plan has but one flaw...what if they are female??? Need, I remind you that fauna of the female persuasion do not have balls...but something infinitely worse!!!  

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