My first question, suprisingly enough (Sarcasm!), is about alcohol. Does it clean your teeth for you? Is there some abrasive, germ killing ability in booze of all sorts that whitens AS it strengthens? I've noticed, as of late, that my teeth seem to be in their best health ever. I'm pretty sure that it's not due to any change in my hygenic schedule. Hell, nowadays when I come home at night (or, more usually, my hotel room) and i'm so wasted I'd probably accidently stab myself in the brain with the toothbrush in a ham-handed attempt at brushing my teeth (actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea) so I just go straight to bed and postpone the brushing for the morning. The thing is, when I smile at myself the next morning in the mirror as I do my daily affirmations ("Newbie, you are a god among men. Newbie, you ARE worth it. Newbie, setting people on fire is wrong!") I'm practically blinded by the reflection of the bathroom light on my teeth. Just a thought folks.... 
My second question is about women. Why are they so insane? What makes them this way? I'm not gonna say anything specific, because once I start, I doubt I'll be able to stop. But let me explicate my reasoning for believing they (all women) are completely bonkers and why we (guys) purchase drinks for them at the local watering hole and do other things that serve only to minimize and manage their severe mental damage. 1. They say one thing (like, "I'll see you at such and such a place at such and such a time") when they really mean ("I hope I never see you again, because if I do, I'll bust a nine in your dome"). That's called lying ladies, and it's wrong. Can you say "lying?" And roughly 100 percent of everything they say falls under that "BIG FUCKING LIE" category. Thank god for the gift of multiple rum and cokes, which encourages one of two possibilities: 1) Lying so ridiculous it couldn't possibly be mistaken for the truth, or 2)::GASP:: the TRUTH!Additionally, they can't drive. And no amount of booze will fix that. Honestly, there's gotta be something wrong in those cute craniums of theirs, and I wish someone would come up with a quick patch and release it already.
I have some other queries for your perusal and contemplation, but I think I'll stop here and let someone answer these two cunundrums before I post any more. Thanks!
--HK_Newbie
calamityJANE said...
yes, it's true: women lie. i lie all the time in fact. almost every other sentence i utter is a lie. i don't even have to try: lies just come out of my mouth. but in my defense, i never lie to hurt. i lie to entertain. and that's as honest as i'll ever be...
hk_newbie said...
Yea, well, i lie to women all the time too. So I guess it isn't so bad.
Sorry, I was just filled with an indignant rage that night. :)