Hello American Scum and other unworthies! I welcome you to lick the soil and blood from the bottom of my Vass calfskin loafers (soil, from my daily stroll in my garden; blood, from my daily stomping of some upstart yakuza punk). I write to you today, prior to my noontime “random explosion of extreme violence”, to let you know how proud I am of the Four-Man Revolution and all its accomplishments. You can ascertain the extent of my joy and jubilation by gazing into my coal black eyes and twitching, battle scarred face; realizing, later, that you just stared at me: the one, the only “Beat Takeshi” and lived. That is an honor I will allow you, dear reader, only because of the high regard in which I hold the 4MR.
The first thing that drew me to the 4MR, is the inherent “bad-assitude” that must be present for any up-and-coming junta, gang, or revolutionary group. I, in my own way, am a one man revolution of epic proportions and what I lack in numbers, I make up for in sheer kick-ass, bad-ass, shut-your-mouth, violence; or, as I like to call it, “extreme-talking”.
Like me, the 4MR is deficient in members through choice, not neglect. We realize the importance of minimizing excess characters so as to not detract from each members’ special brand of coolness (especially that HK_Newbie. I imagine he is the leader, given his multiplicity of natural ass-kicking talents and debonair life-style). Allow me to list, what I perceive to be each individual member’s role and how they might be compared to the progenitor of all that is cool: I.
Gking4Ever: Well, he has insanity on his side, which adds a layer of unpredictability that I can appreciate. My own perceived random acts of violence are actually coldly calculated years in advance, because you see, I KNOW THE FUTURE. Also, he owns a certain expertly made “brush” that, if used with skill, can create a “portrait” with my favorite paint on my favorite canvas: blood on concrete.
Rainny: His hair is quite impressive. He’s also a crack shot with the shotty. That’s a bonus when encountering large groups of cannon fodder/rival gang members (is there any other sort?). Obviously, I need no such riot gun to deal with large groups of enemies: all I need to do is bust out my katana in one hand and my glock in the other, and they fall like wheat before the scythe.
Calamity Jane: She’s a chick that shoots, drinks, and kicks ass. What more need I say? If I were a chick, I’d be Calamity Jane.
And last, but not least, HK_Newbie: Certainly, I could go on and on listing the nearly infinite character traits and physical attributes that went in to creating, (dare I say it?) THE AMERICAN “BEAT” TAKESHI, but brevity, as you might have noticed, is one of my many strong points. Suffice it to say that if God, Buddha, Gordon Ramsay, and HK_Newbie got into a fight, only Newbie would be walking away unscathed and then he'd suddenly commit ritual suicide just to prove a point and fuck with your mind.
--HK_Newbie
said...
wow, i totally agree with everything mr. Kitano-san said. HK_Newbie rocks!
RaiNny said...
You forgot that Jane likes Tool.
hk_newbie said...
omg, you're right. Crap. Well, i guess that should really go without saying though, right? Of course she likes tool! Who doesn't?
hk_newbie said...
With YOU rainny? No way in hell, it'd take a lot more than X to get me in your pants.