poll question: Have you ever had to use a plunger before?
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So last night, guess what! I used a plunger for the first time in my 20+ years of using a toilet. This is how it happened:
First I have to inform all of you that it IS normal for a female NOT to eliminate bowels everyday. I thought I was some freak for the longest time...though I still think that normal people should poo everyday...I am comforted by the fact that my professor believed this to be true and right enough to say this to a class of 64 AND the 53 females (minus me) agreed!!! Then she went on to make fun of the 10 men in the class who were all grossed out. What a relief!
So I went to take my every-two-days-poo last night (and "haha!" to those of you who were talking to me online last night because I WAS ALSO ON THE TOILET...i don't think i'm going to do that ever again though...just trying it out) and I guess I clogged the toilet. I have never done that EVER and I have to say that I didn't think THIS would be the bowel that would do it.
I tried to stay calm. The roommate was asleep. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before tackling this new situation.
I flushed the toilet again.
Thankfully the tank only holds enough to fill the bowl and not overflow. So now I've got water, bowels and toilet paper floating around. Boy, this was a certifiable disaster. Eventually, it went down a little. So I decided to take a bucket and just throw water into the toilet...this works when I'm cleaning the toilet and I want to scrub the bowl with a very low water level.
This didn't work.
So guess what I did next. I got a plastic bag...ohkay, TWO plastic bags and put my hand in it and grabbed some toilet paper that was floating in the water. And then I flushed again. Still no luck and now I had to go outside and put this in the garbage on the curb. Good thing it was garbage day today.
While I contemplated what to do next, I checked out my poo!! It might come as a surprise to you but I've never really looked at my bowels as closely as I did last night. There were beans in it!!! I didn't think it would be so easy to distinguish!! Are you as excited as I am right now?
Well, now we're at the part when I realized I'm going to have to use a plunger. So first, I googled "how to use a plunger" so I would know what to expect. And then I took the plunger out of the closet and there you have it...I cleared the toilet!! And I realized I'm pretty damn good at that. I'm pretty proud of myself.
It was quite an adventure and I'm glad that 4MR is around to have heard about it. May this go down in 4MR history as THE NIGHT THAT CALAMITY JANE LEARNED TO USE A PLUNGER!!!!
-calamityJane
hk_newbie said...
uummm...yes. to remove the dent from the side of a car and to remove clogs from many a toilet.
The_Consultant said...
Yes, to remove clogs from Newbies toilet.
RaiNny said...
"Yes, to remove clogs from Newbies toilet."
Holy shit Consultant! I think that is one of the funniest things you've ever said! I literally laughed out loud for a good minute! Excellent approach and delivery!
calamityJANE said...
I also let out a gay little giggle when I read Consultant's reply!!
and...wow, I never knew plungers could have so many uses...this has opened up a whole new can of worms for me.
hk_newbie said...
Jane, here's two tricks I learned while traveling.
The first is to take the small trashcan usually located in the bathroom, empty it of trash, and fill it about halfway with cold water from the bathtub. Lift both lids of the toilet, hold the can at about shoulder level (for you, maybe a bit higher) and slowly pour a steady stream of water into the location of the clog.
The pressure of the water will force the clog free, and as you're pouring, flush the toilet so that the combined forces of your trashcan water and the toilet pressure will wash away any smelly clog problems.
My second trick involves twisting a wire hanger free, and stabbing it deep into the disgusting mess until it has become free and flushable.
I recommend tossing the hangar afterwards.
calamityJANE said...
yeah, that's what i did with the bucket of water. it didn't work.
I do that to my toilet right before I clean it also.
did you happen to travel to the philippines? because i didn't know people other than filipinos did that.
hk_newbie said...
Duh jane! I AM filipino! Are you BLIND?!
The_Consultant said...
"My second trick involves twisting a wire hanger free, and stabbing it deep into the disgusting mess until it has become free and flushable.
I recommend tossing the hangar afterwards."
Lies, I saw you use it after wards a skewers for our grilled food.