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Throwing is the new rolling

One of the greatest sites ever to be seen by mere mortals. Prepare yourselves...for awesomeness. 

Sunday, March 12, 2006

9:53 PM - Happy Fun time in the Pacific Northwest

Hello and Greetings from so-called "evergreen" Washington state. Sigh...(yes, I actually typed "sigh") I can feel the radiation leaking (soaking, having-tea-with?) my body, doing irreparable damage to my vas deferens, ultimately destroying any chance of me ever reproducing (as if I had any chance to begin with!). Why my current slave master sees fit to send me to these nuclear wastelands is beyond my ability to comprehend, but apparently it has something to do with them HATING ME.


Back to Washington: I don't know why they call it the "evergreen" state. Yes, yes, it has a ton of trees-- Whoop-dee-fucking-doo! But what does that tell us about the assholes who inhabit its political boarders? There's gotta be some truth in advertising, and it shouldn't restrain itself to describing the landscape.

Listen to me Washington State (this goes for the other 47 contiguous as well-- Hawaii and Alaska are self-righteous bitches, so they don't count): when you come up with a tagline, you gotta spice it up a bit. Lie! Make Shit Up! And for God's sake, don't come up with some pathetic, non-enticing truth!

What I always say is: if you're gonna lie, why not go balls out and say something totally ridiculous and unbelievable? Call it the "get laid" capital of the world, or the "most beautiful place on Earth" (except everyone already knows, that title is reserved for whatever 3 feet of personal space I'm currently occupying; so right now, a section of Washington is indeed "the most beautiful place on Earth").

Well folks, that's really about it. I went out on St. Patrick's Day. Got really, really drunk. Tossed my cookies in the hotel lobby (oh, they just loved that). And slept for 18 HOURS. All-in-all, it was a good weekend.

--HK_Newbie

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