For some reason, I was wearing a jester's hat as I went into the bathroom, and as I was doing my thing at the urinal (whistling "check up on it" by Beyonce. Don't ask why. I just want it out of my head before I forcibly extract it like I did that CIA listening device they implanted in my ear canal a few years ago) I heard a gruff voice say "Gimme dat hat" (yes, he actually said "dat". I'm pretty sure he was from some Eastern Bloc country that refuses to pronounce their "th's") then he proceeded to snatch the hat from my head. I finished up at the urinal, very angry, and came face to face with the friend of the idiot who stole my hat; lets call them idiot #1 (the hat-stealer)and idiot #2 (the friend). Idiot #2 apologized, handed the hat back to me, and asked me to forgive his drunken friend. Idiot #2 then tried to cold cock me. Thankfully, he was very drunk (suprise!) and ended up punching not so much me, as he did the tiled wall three feet to my left. Then again, I could have just displaced myself that distance without even realizing it, ninja-style. But I doubt it. I think he just couldn't aim for shit.
I lost it for a minute (i was already pretty buzzed by that point) and pushed him into the toilet stall and started walking away. The bouncers chose that opportune time to rush into the bathroom, grab drunken idiot #1 and #2, and ask me if they should kick them out. It was my good luck that the bathroom monitor type-guy saw the whole thing go down, and told the bouncers that it was the 2 morons, and not the single, bad-ass, and almost painfully physically attractive young man that began the fight. Idiot #2 was saying things like "he won't do anything" refering to idiot #1, and Idiot #1 was having some difficulty adjusting to the sheer amount of fleshy, bouncer meat crushing his arms to the sides of his body. I told the bouncer leader (lets call him Togar "the destroyer") that so long as they didn't fuck with me anymore, i didn't care if they stayed. Idiot #1 then screwed things up for himself and his buddy by shouting something highly lucid and threatening along the lines of "I'm gonna fucking kill you, you fucking fuck!". I laughed, waved bye bye, and the crowd of bouncers dragged idiot #1 and idiot #2 to mingle with their own kind of defective grey matter out in the street.
Needless to say, my night was ruined. I spent the rest of the time there looking over my shoulder, hoping the idiots' friends wouldn't come into the bar with my description (jester hat, bad ass, super sexy) and try to snap my neck. Yay for Mardi Gras!
--HK_Newbie
